Self Reliance for Rich Kids

Applying for Credit Cards is not like Applying to College

2010-06-29T13:03:00.001-07:00

So it's been months since I've posted, but something happened today that is far too relevant for this blog. As I've been a working girl and can honestly say I'm at the point where I SHOULD be completely financially independent I do have to admit that my father has been helping out by way of an "emergencies only" amex - which translates to everything I buy on Gilt was needed for an emergency.

We had 'The Talk'. It's time for me to get my own credit card. I compare this feeling to that of getting braces - at first it was exciting because all my friends had them, but soon after the novelty faded I was left with cold sores and a horrible smile.

Naturally I spent the majority of my morning at work researching all the different types of cards. I want one that can get me maximum milage on my airlines so I narrowed it down to my top three. For US Airways I want to get into the world program Visa card, but if I don't qualify they give me a more standard one. It's like applying for Huntsman and just getting into Wharton - not bad, but I'm special and I want the top of the line!

After galavanting around with platinum in my purse I don't feel right about settling for the run-of-the-mill card. But then I had to face my own reality when filling in my annual salary, I probably can't afford a fancy piece of plastic. So I applied to my top 3.

I let my dad know via txt that I had taken initiative and called it a day.

He called minutes later in a panic. Apparently when you apply for a card you are automatically enrolled once you are approved! WTF?! How does that logic work? So now my credit gets screwed because I wanted to weigh my options. I don't even have room in my wallet for 3 more cards. It's like I applied early decision at 3 schools and this is my punishment if I get into all three. I just hope I get a few free flights out of it!

Beverly Hills Bar Mitzvah, or how to have free fun in LA

2010-03-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

So a few weeks ago some friends and I had gotten on the list for a new lounge opening at The Beverly Hilton. I was excited because I was going to wear my new dress (courtesy of a fab boutique across from Fred Segal) and my good friend from up the coast was going to be joining in the festivities. Note to the masses - ano bimbos who hold the list at the door are not to be be-littled in front of their peers.

Translation: even though we were on the list, the twiggy bitch wouldn't let us in, regardless of the unabashed name dropping I partook in. I was more furious than embarrassed as we made our way back to the hotel lobby in search of the all elusive LA taxi, hoping to find a dive bar in which to drown our not-cool-enough for the club sorrows. Then the night took a glorious turn.

We passed the grand ballroom and standing post at the door was an all too familiar sight: the blown up bar mitzvah poster. Little Daniel was becoming a man, and his adorably framed face with a golden retriever proved too good to be true. We made our way closer and picked up a few leftover Monopoly themed name placards (it was already 10:30, no way the Goldenberg's were making that late an late entrance).

Once inside it became very apparent that this was a Persian Bar Mitzvah and we were a crew of 4 white 20-somethings (both my friend and I being very white and very blonde ) and then it hit me. Unlike weddings, which have a serious and emotional core - bar mitzvah's have one goal in mind: get sloshed. No parents give a shit once the party planner has been paid, the open bar's bartender becomes Mom and Dad's surrogate child for the evening and by the time they announce the hour to light the candles, everyone holds their breath in hopes mom doesn't trip in her Blahnik's over her questionably seductive Off Fifth gown.

Even though we were clearly out of place, in no time the boys were macking on milfs and I was workin the desert buffet. We danced the hora, took pictures with the family, played video games with the kids and even sushed Bubby who was too loud during the challah blessing.

At the end of the night we were wasted, we were full, our feet hurt from hours of dancing and it was entirely free. I even see the potential of these becoming perfect venues for networking/meeting nice Jewish guys. Because when asked how I know the child my simple reply will be: I don't, I'm crashing. Odds are no one will believe it or they just won't care enough to kick us out. Nothing is uglier than a drunk angry parent making a scene in front of friends, family and business associates. Everyone is better off just allowing the crashers to add to the festivities - which we most definitely did.

I've begun calling local hotels and clubs pretending to be a florist set to deliver flowers for 'the bar mitzvah this weekend', and I can't wait for little Julie's big night at The Key Club next Saturday!

Debit Credit

2010-03-05T14:00:00.000-08:00

So a friend recently asked me whilst debating which of her three credit cards to charge a new designer wallet on - what's the dif between debit and credit. Ivy Princess has the answer...sorta.

This is something I myself was curious about, I mean I know that debit takes the money directly out of my checking account, whereas credit I just get a bill I have to write a check for at the end of the month. It seems like debit is just a simpler way to buy things because it's easier to keep track of spending - but I did a little more research and figured out why I should give my platinum amex a bit more attention.

My metaphor is as such: Credit cards are a lot like department stores and Debit are like boutiques.

When you buy a lot of things at a department store you get rewards, and it's easy to get a bunch of necessities there like make-up, shoes and clothes. Spend enough money, maybe you'll get a discount or free goody bag etc. When using a credit card often, you rack up points that can be used for flights and such - and my platy amex gets me into first class lounges, which is a huge plus. The problem with department stores is that when bombarded with so much stuff, I end up buying things I don't need and feel like it's ok because I'm rakin in points. The same sorta goes for Credit cards, it's so easy to just swipe and forget, or convince yourself you are getting more out of it for using the card - and that's where the scary bill at the end of the month comes in. Also, they charge you a fee for having it, so look at it as an extra tax everytime you swipe.

With debit, it's simple. You walk into a boutique, see a hot piece, know there are no bonuses for buying that amazing $500 dress by an unknown french designer other than owning it, but there is an added level of confidence in the purchase. You know that it's not at every department store and every other Japtastic isn't pairing it with a heinous pair of Tory Birch flats - it's special and yours. With debit, it's basically like paying cash and it's harder to impulse shop because as soon as you hit an ATM that $500 is gonezo.

I know this doesn't make total sense, but it seems to resonate fairly well with the few slowly nodding Fekkai haircuts I've conveyed it to. Basically, use the credit card for points and such on big purchases and the stuff you need, but for those rando lunches that wind up being $50 because one Mary turned into 4 - debit it, you'll thank me.

On a similar note, I went into Bloomys in BevCen last week to talk a friend into a hot dress for that night. Wound up talking myself into one fab Nicole Miller, but it was $400 and I had gone ape shit on gilt that week (legit - scary even for me). I have a Nordy's card, and stole my mom's Saks and Nieman's but no Bloomys. The girl told me if I signed up for one I get 20% off, and if I use it now I get another 15% - done and done. It ended up costing less than $300 - and every girl needs a full house of cards.

I am sad about the shoe sitch on gilt - some bimbo got to those amazing snake Calvin Klien booties before me, again! But I did find a beyond fab dress for my annual oscar party this weekend - so bonus!

A Theorem on Valet Analytics

2010-02-12T08:48:00.000-08:00

I have had my car towed 3 times now. Twice in the last 2 months. West Hollywood off Santa Monica at night is just a giant trap - I think there are actually cameras waiting for lazy people like me to park in mis-marked spaces.

I had my car towed once in college, one of my miserable roommates thought it would be funny to call my car in because I was parked in her spot. In order to get it back, I had to bribe a cab driver to take me into the nether-region of South West Philadelphia - a place HE was terrified to enter...imagine how I felt. I also had to pay $280 in cash to a very angry and large man to get it back - the whole experience was balancing helplessly on the edge of my getting raped and slaughtered in a part of Philadelphia that even shady cab-drivers fear.

Here's the problem - in WeHo, it's only $122 (chargeable on almost any major credit card) and the towing place is right down the street. They basically moved my car to a slightly less convenient location. I'm not saying that I look forward to venturing into the poorly lit office space of Johnson's Towing, but I definitely hear myself say "fuck it" when taking a chance on an unexplained open parking space.

Now that parking tickets are payable online, they don't affect points on my license and getting towed is not likely to put a dark cloud over my day, I find myself racking up the bills payable to the state. I realized I've paid thousands of dollars to the cities of Philadelphia, Santa Monica and Los Angeles. Money that clearly doesn't go toward the bettering of street quality or comprehensible sidewalk signage.

It just feels like giving into the hypocrisy of a driving city when I pull into a valet-ed parking lot and fork over 5-20 bucks to park for dinner. Granted that's nothing compared to $122 and a taxi cab but there's this unspoken pride that bursts forth with finding a spot and not paying for it/not getting caught.

The best part is I could have walked to the restaurant from my apartment, but no one outside of bums and joggers dare be seen on the sidewalks of LA after dark.

What I've decided to do to solve this problem is, I believe, the rich kid solution. (The following reasoning will likely only make sense to a spoiled such as myself)...

Say I'm willing to spend $30-$80 on dinner and plan to leave a $6-$16 tip for that...and realistically there are about 2-5 drinks involved so lets round that number to an even $75. So if I spend an average of $75 on a night out, that's still less than getting towed. I've decided to forfeit one big night out a month and put that money in my newly designated parking pouch. Every month I will allot myself $75 to spend on parking in LA. If I run out before the month is up I either get a ride from a friend or I'm not going out. If I have left-overs, that goes toward the next month's $75.

On another note, I've been looking for the perfect black work bag - big enough to comfortably carry my laptop and designer enough to not have the word 'Coach' on it. Gilt hasn't had any great bags lately, suggestions?

Savoring the Savings

2010-02-03T17:37:00.001-08:00

I am so hungry. Though my diet may be strict, I don't believe anyone, no matter how disciplined, can curb those late afternoon hunger pangs at work. It's far too easy to venture to the nearest coffee shop and snag a scone or cookie or grilled chicken and brie panini as I have for the last few days...and that piles up - both in calories and in cash.

Today I decided to try and beat the urge by bringing a baggie of red vines to work - they are the lowest calorie to chew factor ratio candy I have found and are going for $5 a barrel at Ralphs - what a bargain buy!

So I set the sad little plastic bag next to my computer on my desk and my boss walks in and, without even thinking twice, snags the bag and 3 of my allotted 10 vines for the day. My tummy just grumbled as I typed that. 3 whole vines - that over 20 minutes of savoring I just lost.

But I veer from my point - bringing snacks to work is the best possible way to avoid those unnecessary snack expenditures.

I stopped going to Pete's for my morning latte and opted to make my own - saves over 20 bucks a week! (though my real reason was the lines are just too outrageous to be standing in before 9am - the last thing I want to do before I've had my coffee is wait in an obnoxiously long line for my coffee). By brewing my own java and bringing some red vines, pistachios and chewy bars to work I avoid the whole mid-day binge. And we have all been at that point where stabbing a co-worker in the neck with a ball-point pen for a candy bar wasn't totally out of the question...

Also, it helps me keep tabs on my caloric intake for the day - it's a known fact that people gain weight at desk jobs. I don't think I have room for a treadmill in this office, so BYO-ing breadsticks is the next best thing. As delicious as those lattes and paninis are, I feel much better about gorging on post-work happy hour cocktails and canapé's - it's a trade off.

I bought an adorable pencil skirt on Gilt that just barely fits - I've def put on that post holiday poundage (if there is such a thing?). Off to the gym!

The Kink in Kinkos.

2010-02-02T18:17:00.000-08:00

I've been having to get a lot done at Kinkos for work because we just moved into new offices and our printers aren't set up yet. It's fairly simple, I just need to print out some of our information and have it bound, and yet, of course, these Kinkos workers think I'm speaking another language. What typically sets out to be a 20 minute trek to the printing haven turns into hours of technological difficulty torture.

I lobbied my boss today for our own binding machine.

It's shocking to me also how unbelievably expensive this stuff is! Of course most locations don't let you plug in your own computer to print, so I have to put my credit card into this machine that seems like its swallowing it whole and sending it across the street to be used for online scams. At 90 cents a minute and snail paced internet I watch the dollar number increase faster than the pages load.

The printers always jam and I find myself standing in the awkwardly large empty space in the middle of the store, angry rap music coursing through my body, on the verge of threatening the copy machine a la Office Space.

Today I have been bombarded with empty promises and worthless encounters. I had to print my stuff 3 times in order for it to come out clear, and then the copy machine wasn't working so the guy made me email my stuff to him so he could print it on the 'special machine' in the back that normal people can't use. Luckily for me though, he didn't realize when I stormed out with my printed pages and only paid for the time I spent on the computer - his binding job was forcefully on the house.

I do feel a little bad about it, but honestly that company is so corrupt with its pricing that I feel like I got out of paying for a parking ticket in Philadelphia.

Each trip for a dozen packets bound ends up costing me over 100 bucks and hours of frustration. More than a trip to Whole Foods. Of course I get refunded by work, but those hours are going to cost thousands in botoxing wrinkles down the road - and you gotta think long term.

So we are going to buy a binding machine, which, though the lovely simpletons at Kinkos seem to be able to work while bitching at their baby daddy on a handsfree, looks like the earliest version of the computer chip to me. I know it will take me weeks to figure this thing out, but I'm determined to never venture back to that world of awful again.

I feel like this blog is turning more into a rant...I will do my best to focus on more imporant rich kid issues, like how to buy things on sale etc.

Recession is not = to Recess

2010-01-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

I know I've already blogged about travel, but I spent the last week in planes, trains and automobiles and have more to say.

On my red-eye flight over to NYC there were 2 whole empty rows in the back and I went to go lay down. As I lay my tired head to rest on an awful paper pillow I get a very angry and flamboyant red-headed face lingering over mine, "excuse me, this row is for the crew".

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I paid to fly on this plane.

How moronic, this is YOUR JOB SIR, to serve the paying patrons of American Airlines and yet, you have the audacity to tell me - to my face - that these rows are for you and your lazy minions to REST?! Am I missing something here? No, no no, you do not get two whole rows to spread out and gossip about what pilot you went down on last week and how weird Jennifer Aniston looks in the most recent US Weekly - no - you get to push that little cart up and down the rows asking if I would like something to drink. And yes, I'll take a soda water with lime.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE TRAVEL INDUSTRY!? Since when can we not take advantage of an empty row in coach? That's like showing a JAP a sale at Saks and then telling her it's for employees only - isn't that counterproductive? Just as I reach the age where I have to accept that I cannot afford first class on my own and that slumming it in coach is the new chic I am not even allowed to enjoy the most sacred move in economy travel?

These people should be grateful they are employed and yet they bitch and take advantage - you can bet I am writing a letter! And it's not just airlines.

I got into a cab in New York and as I swiped my credit card it wouldn't let me continue until I entered a tip - what if I don't want to tip?! What if this ass hole jerked me around the most gridlocked streets of Manhattan and almost had me puking all over his Curry-scented seats? It took me 2 tries to realize I could hit 0 for tip and when I did, the cabbie says "what about tip?"

WHAT ABOUT TIP?? Tips are meant to be earned, hence the whole concept. I worked for tips once for a summer, and yeah, it sucks, but you learn how to earn them, to entertain and fight for people's crumpled dollar bills - not flat out say, "hey, where's my tip?".

My job is to make people want to buy things from me, to make friends with strangers - I understand how to build a rapport with a stranger - that's when you get a tip from me. If you find a way to make good conversation, hit a nerve or just do a good job at your job you will get a tip.

Examples: On my way to NYC, before that horrid red-eye flight from hell I went to an airport bar for a drink. Yes I flashed my platinum amex for entrance into the Qantas lounge because typically these lounges have free booze. Not this one, because apparently the day of the free-bee in the airport is dead to America. But a married man was kind enough to buy my batting eyelashes a glass of wine and the bartender was beyond. She was amazing - arguably the best bartender I have ever come in contact with. Her name was Sherri and she was the most genuinely sweet woman. She filled me up to the brim, twice, and told me all about this new app that tells you when cops are around - like a radar detector.

She also called me pretty and made me feel special....and not in a creepy lezzy way.

Now I had no cash on me, not a dollar, and felt so guilty leaving Sherri high and dry that I called the lounge to praise her, called qantas and the fine people at Amex to thank them for hiring such a great bartender - yes, I'm that person, but it made me feel good to do something nice for Sherri.

If only there were more Sherri's in the world. I am sick of disgruntled, lazy employees expecting more out of me than they deserve - it's called a recession, not recess.

Creative Hiatus

2010-01-25T08:45:00.001-08:00

Hello to the few of you (if any) who actually subscribed to this and said WTF, where did she go. I got a job! No excuse for leaving this high and dry but I promise I feel terrible about not making the time to at least update the blog. It's been 2 months and I have no good excuse. That being said in the last 8 weeks I have done a lot, learned a lot and been all over the place.

I am going to put in the effort to blog at least once a week.

Yesterday, I actually helped a friend paint her kitchen. I had never painted anything other than a canvas in art class and have to admit it was fun - even though I am a terrible painter. My friend had to constantly remind me to try and do straight strokes and avoid the knobs - which I of course was instantly drawn to and painted all over. Before we started we went out and bought the paint, there is so much that goes into that process!! Watching her put the little paint samples on the wall and decide which was the better 'off white' made me a little dizzy. I had no idea how involved that process actually is, "this one's too pink, this one's too grey etc."

It was overwhelming, but a great way for me to learn. I just found out I get to keep my sublet for a year and now have the freedom to alter the decor - this girl has the worst taste in paint ever. My living room actually has a 'red wall' a la sex and the city, a big bright red wall and it's awful. Now, instead of spending the hundreds it most likely would have cost me to have the room professionally painted, I am going to take a weekend to pick out paints and do it myself (maybe with my adorable aussie roommate!). I may have to bring in one of my more experienced painter friends to do the corners and 'hard to reach' spots, but I'm now dead set on doing this myself. Plus, as my friend said as she dipped her brush into a lovely pale green pot of paint, "when this is all done I will feel like I've really accomplished something".

It's just too easy to delegate these seemingly arbitrary tasks to others. Writing a check to a handyman is so much less rewarding than wiping dirt off the brow and taking in all the work I've just accomplished myself. In the last 2 months, I've pumped air into my own tires instead of going to a mechanic, I've been making my own lunches instead of eating out and I've been drinking hard cider instead of cocktails at bars to curb spending. Cider is actually delicious and makes you look more laid back at a bar! It's just a throw in, I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say about drinking as this honeymoon with the new job wears off and I realize I will never have spring break or summer vacation again : (

I know it isn't much, but for me it's like I've become a completely different person and I love the way being even remotely self reliant has made me feel. Every time I bring up a new concept for this blog I find myself bursting with pride and I am dedicated to continue it now.

Until next time....

Eating

2009-11-13T09:41:00.000-08:00

I've officially decided that vegans are total hypocrites. I went to Whole foods today to try out some funky products that apparently taste really good when blended in smoothie form and detox and all that 'good for you' crap. A small bottle of this weird kelp powder was $20! All the organic foods are sooo much more expensive and all this flax seed and quinoa stuff gets so pricey - I don't understand how the grungies pull it off.

Most people who classify themselves as vegan, I would classify as weirdo hippies - weirdo hippies don't make a lot of money. Unless these people started Whole Foods and just work their for the fun of it, they are full of it. There is no way to sustain eating a healthy lifestyle by their standards without having over $100 to spend on food every week. Maybe there is some other vegan super-store that offers discounts on hemp milk but I actually burst out laughing at the price of some of these supplements. Whatever genius granola eating cruncher came up with the concept of vegan deserves the profits he's made - even though, if he were a real hippie, he would disregard his millions and give them to the starving hippies trying to pay for tofu with food stamps.

It made me realize why America is so fat - it can't afford healthy food! Now I get it, the poorer you are, the more likely you are going to sacrifice your organic avocados for taco bell. I mean forget about restaurants, just supplying yourself for a weeks worth of food is gonna put you back the same as a great night at Nobu - and that food will go bad before the week is up!

A friend of mine went to Oberlin and turned super grainy when she got there - no more shaving, no more uggs and her best friend was named Rain or something like that. She went totally vegan and couldn't understand why she was sick all the time. It turned out she was allergic to soy and all its products - so basically she was poisoning herself for 6 months. Healthy my ass Moon Beam, she dove right into the brisket at passover.

I don't know how I feel about how healthy these people claim to be. As I pleaded with the store clerk to explain what the hell the differences were between Omega 3 supplements she pointed one out and said "an 80 year old uses this stuff, and his hair hasn't even begun graying yet". That's not awesome that's some sci-fi crazy shit. It's one thing to stop eating fried food and loaves of challah bread - it's another to turn yourself into a pill popping, mate drinking, old ass man child.

These people hate on corporate America and yet they have a monopoly on those of us who admire the US Weekly photos of the Olsen twins eating edamame. I don't think it's wrong, I just think they are all total hypocrites. Going around buying clothes at thrift stores and riding their bikes and not shaving all while spending as much on food as 'we' do - LISTEN HERE HIPPIES: YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS I AM, YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS BEN AND JERRY FOR SELLING OUT TO CORPORATE AMERICA AND YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS URBAN OUTFITTERS NO LONGER SELLING ACTUAL VINTAGE CLOTHING.

I say drink your soy protein shake and eat your creepy grains and supplements, but also realize that by spending money on them, you are just supporting the people you claim to despise. Stupid hippies. At least I am honest about how bad a person I am - there may be a circle in hell for me, but I'm going with the non-believers. You crunchies are going deep into the Sitxth circle and will have an eternity of wandering while wearing heavy lead trench coats (if I remember Dante correctly, please tell me if I'm wrong). And guess what - the lead won't be organic and your frail little pale bodies will barely be able to shoulder the weight of reality, not that they don't already.

Laundry

2009-11-12T09:25:00.000-08:00

Those of us who went to boarding school were forced to do our own laundry (but for those highly elitist few whose maids would trek up once a week with the dry cleaning and a basket of freshly pressed linens). Considering it cost 50 cents a wash and dry, very few of us actually ventured into the basement with our mesh 'dirty' bags - who actually carries around change? We would hold out until a long weekend and either go to a friends house or take a huge suitcase home.

My first time coming home I had a huge pile of cloths that I didn't know what to do with because I didn't have a big suitcase - my parents had taken it with them leaving me only with a weekend bag. Thinking I was being resourceful, I found the clear thick plastic case my comforter came in and stuffed it full of all my soiled goods. I checked it through as luggage at the airport. My mother came to pick me up and as I tried to explain what my luggage looked like she stared back at me in horror. Not only did America West lose my "bag", it had ripped apart and my shit was everywhere. It took me three years to live that one down and replace those clothes - rich kid. real world situation. retarded response.

After that, instead of just changing a dollar for quarters I started a war with the heads of residential life and demanded new, change-free washing machines. I argued that ours were below environmental standards, and that if we had those cards that we could charge with cash and swipe, more people would do their laundry. I created a new position in student government and met with the headmaster to solve the issue. By the time I graduated the new machines were in place and the cards on their way - I was one of the most powerful people in student government, had single handedly changed the school's bylaws, and still held out for vacations to do my laundry.

In college I was even more spoiled. My parents had an apartment in the town our school was in so I just did my laundry there...or rather Mousaa, the cleaning lady did. I know how to do it, I actually sometimes enjoy doing it, but I'm really, really lazy when it comes to chores. It took a semester abroad to whip me into Maytag shape. I believe I have mastered the rich kid laundry experience so that the linens come out smelling as fresh as when they are pressed at the Waldorf Astoria.

I buy that lavender vanilla fabric softener and dryer sheets. The actual detergent is standard, I've found it doesn't really matter that much. I just use anything that isn't TIDE because they test on animals. With the added lavender everything smells sooo good and feels sooo soft I just want to snuggle in a big pile of warm fabric with a season of the west wing.

I've made the mistakes of leaving my laundry in the washer too long and it gets damp; I've left it in the dryer and come back to find it thrown on the floor because someone else needed to use it; I've accidentally dyed white clothes pink and grey a number of times because I'm too lazy to sit around waiting for seperates - I just throw them all together; I've lost zippers, ripped bras and gotten bleached out white spots on my purple sheets - - but nothing compares to my stint as head of wardrobe on an indie movie set.

Long story short I was given this awesome opportunity and didn't really know what I was doing (it happens a lot). I had to wash the lead actresses' clothes every other day. Well, I didn't fully understand what bleach was and in an attempt to remove a few spots on a green skirt I made a few permanent white ones. Then, while washing a pair of white sneakers (they were really dirty) a red sock was stuck in them and I didn't know - they turned hot pink. I sat with a clorox bleach stick for 3 hours re-dying them white and the whole crew, including the director, hated me from then on.

I've learned my lesson and now take pride in my laundering skills - just never use bleach unless you want to strip something of all color. Oh and if you run out of dryer sheets you can throw a tennis ball in there and it has the same affect - my dad taught me that one.

High-Class Coupons

2009-11-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

The word coupon has a horrible ring to it. My father is super frugal though, so I will admit on occasion he would have me looking for good deals on the miscellaneous electronic items in the Sunday paper. I saw that more as a bonding thing though...

Cutting coupons can actually be fun (especially if you're jewish) because when you see something you know you want for half price it's like finding a prize. That being said there is also something kind of depressing about it, which is why I have found the rich kid solution to shopping on a budget - charge cards!

Not credit cards...I would never sign up for a credit card without first consulting my money manager, but, for example, a Nordstroms card is super easy to sign up for and you get 20 bucks back for each 200 you spend as a gift certificate in the mail. Sometimes they will even send a few $5 incentives here and there, which doesn't sound like much but those things can seriously stock up. I actually - and this is crazy jewish of me - used to go to Nordys with friends and have them all buy their stuff with my card and then just pay me back in cash or check so that their parents wouldn't know they had been shopping and I would get a couple free $20 cards out of it...I call that being smart with money.

The card approach can literally work for EVERYTHING - gas stations, super markets, best buy etc. - and it doesn't cost anything to join them. With the gas cards, over time you get a free tank; it's like your 10th coffee free at coffee bean! At Ralphs (or whatever your local grocery store may be) there can be crazy good discounts with the cards, and at some chains all the coupons out for that week are automatically deducted when you use the card! So instead of cutting through newspapers and getting weird ink all over your hands, you can just do what comes natural and swipe away a good 10-30 bucks on big shops.

These cards are not something that always saves TONS of money, but over time it adds up to hundreds a year...and that's a new pair of Manolo's for summer (obvi not boots...it would take a few years of frugal spending to save up for this season's amazing fur-lined cream calf skin boots...and that's after they have gone on sale...twice)

Even at places like The Grove (or your local indoor mall) they have these cards. You sort of have to seek them out because they don't always advertise, but every time I go to the movies those points add up and over time I start getting free parking and holiday 'bonus' gifts from the different stores. What's so huge is that Nordys is in The Grove - so it's like a double whammie of savings! I get double points for spending during November with the Grove and $20 back from Nordys - automatic 2 times of free parking, a free lunch at Farm and a pair of Hanky Pankys - a $60 value all free! And it's stuff I actually would get anyways!

The whole concept is so fun, and after seeing your beloved black card cut up in front of your face at graduation, it will be nice to re-stock those empty slots in the wallet with a colorful array of savings.

My Gilt cravings are stirring...but I'm going to try and hold out for the whole week!

Post-Apocalyptic Air Travel

2009-11-09T23:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, I booked award travel with US Airways so my flight was basically free and so my complaint here is not completely justified. However. US Airways is a terrible airline. I was flying a few weeks ago with my mother and had seat 4F...by the time the stewardess got to my seat with the meal selection there was one left - a greasy pulled pork sandwich - and I don't eat pork. When I told her she said I should have opted for a kosher meal and left me starving in my seat for the 6 hour flight. Sucks.

So, when booking this flight I made the necessary preparations and searched the website for the checking of the box that would entitle me to the lowest carb/cal meal option. It did not exist. I called the airline...no one knew the answer. I sort of forgot about it until already on the plane and she got to me, in seat 4F, and said they only have pork loin. I begged for the chicken and asked how I get this elusive kosher meal. She shrugged and said they don't 'do that anymore'. By that she means that US Airways no longer offers alternative meal options, along with its many other cutbacks e.g no more free food in the first class lounge (you have to pay 10 bucks a sandwich) and no more direct flights to Philadelphia from LA after 1:45pm. I fear that the quality of the products going into the food is also questionable. It's shocking to me that in a day and age where some airlines are offering private suites with separate beds and high thread count linens for long haul flights (Singapore Air and Emirates standards on the A-380) , these championing domestic fliers are border-lining on unsanitary.

A normal person grunts through these now standard atrocities in American travel, I however will not stand to be taken a fool of. Depending on the airline you fly, there are a lot of potential moves to make that can totally up the living standard of your travel. Here's what I do to make sure even when forced to fly coach I have a first/business class experience at half the price of a typical ticket.

First, create frequent flier accounts with every airline you could possibly fly with. Like all other industries, the airlines are basically a huge conglomeration of miles programs inter-weaved with credit cards and hotel companies. The reason I wind up on US Air, even though I want to personally attack every smiling steward when they tell me I have to pay for the 4 hour use of a pillow, is that I almost always get free upgrades to first class. From joining their program and using Bank of America, I have a card that lets me cut the typical lines and security checks. With American Air I get free rooms at Hilton Hotels and free rental cars at Hertz even though I'm under 25. With Amex and Cathay Pacific, Business class is buy one get one free - always - and that's cheaper than two coach seats. With amex you can even get into most first class lounges around the world, even if you are flying some shitty airline. I don't receive these perks because I am rich - I receive them because I am smart. Even when going to the movies at The Grove can I earn miles - it's just a matter of understanding the system.

The food thing is crazy though and I have now undertaken the task of figuring out how to get fed and watered without paying. The other habit I have is checking the actual plane type I am going to fly on - sometimes US Air flies those 757's from Vegas or Airzona to Philly because they are also going across to London. Getting a seat in row 12 on those babies is essential - if your not frequent enough a traveler for the first class bump, or it's just a super busy time and those bumps aren't happening, you can basically have that exit row and a foot rest for free. Those bigger planes also have bigger seats and they go back further. The only other advice I can think of now is if traveling abroad, get yourself on one of those A-380's; a middle seat in coach on those babies is nicer and more comfortable than any American domestic first class.

Since they no longer offer a movie on those flights, I usually bring a book but this was a very sweet occasion. I found Adbusters today for the first time in over 7 months. It was like my intellect was stimulated and my brain could finally exhale again - that magazine if fucking genius. As I sit on this plane, which defines all the economic issues for me with all its cutbacks and all the bureaucracies I read this: Departments of Economics are graduating a generation of idiot savants, brilliant at esoteric mathematics yet innocent of actual economic life. That's how I feel about my entire generation - we have been raised in such splendor that living in squalor is something reserved for force-fed Dickens' novels - not only do we not understand it, we are incapable of our own independent survival, hell half of the words I've written have been spell check changed for me - I haven't properly spelled the word 'necessary' since I botched the spelling bee in the 5th grade.

Instead of being lazy and just going along with the struggle everyone else seems to be accepting, I am going to try and do something about it. After I draft my letter to US Air (which is guaranteed to get you at least a few free flying vouchers) and apply for all the new jobs posted, I am going to find out how to share a link with Adbusters on this blog. Every person in the world who understands what the word savant means should be able to read this magazine and get something profound out of the experience.

Today I am going to be anti-consumer and not check Gilt.

Long Weekend

2009-11-09T08:19:00.000-08:00

This weekend I went back to college for homecoming. It was a coming together of a lot of frustrated, unemployed 20-somethings still clutching daddy's credit card in an expensive clutch. I told a lot of people about the blog and they all seemed to think it was a pretty good idea, however being singled out as perfect examples of my audience was not something I think they appreciated. I also had a meeting on Friday before flying out in which I was basically told that no one hires in Hollywood before the first of the year...so I have two more months of this.

Yesterday one of my favorite friends from college and I sat in Rittenhouse Square drinking wine out of coffee cups all afternoon and reminiscing the good times. A few other alums were sprinkled around the park and it felt like nothing had changed. I ended up changing my flight a day later so that I could spend the evening watching the Eagles game and pretending to still be in the soft comfortable care of college. My friend happens to have a job and be pretty self sufficient, but for the fact that she decided not to go to work today in an attempt at a repeat of yesterday, the boozing will commence soon after this post.

A boy I was good friends with and his girlfriend sat with us for a while and I told them about this blog - the boy is definitely my target audience, although he kept repeating randomly throughout the conversation that he thinks he would be able to survive in the wilderness and on his own. Sorry, but ha, no.

Out of no where this random chick comes over and asks me if I'm writing a blog about rich kids in poor neighborhoods. Being polite to a very rude stranger I explained the blog and she goes on this whole rant about how she's homeless and have I ever spent a night on the streets. No, I answered laughing, does it look like I've ever spent a night on the street? At first I felt like an ass hole, but this girl was sitting with a boy wearing a pink polo and she had nice cloths on...there is no way their Di Bruno Brother's sandwich wrapper was the product of someone's starvation. I started to pry a bit: she said she was freezing, I pointed out her faux fur coat; she asked if I was one of those rich kids, I said I represent them; she said she was buddhist and something about faith, I wear buddhist accessories and jewelry and said 'yeah, it's fab'; she asked for some change, I gave her a dollar and said I hope bad karma doesn't bite her in the ass...well I said that after she had walked away, I mean there was a good chance that girl could kick my ass.

The whole interaction was so strange, and my friend and his girlfriend sat frozen throughout the whole encounter, never saying a word. Yeah right you could hack in on the streets - you couldn't even handle the harsh reality of the high class homeless. What this story aims to teach is that I'm a generous person because contrary to my Jewish heritage, I believe in karma. A lot of rich kids are so stingy, especially certain JAP's who refuse to throw an extra five bucks from their Balenciaga wallets toward tip for a $20 salad. And though I may be painfully spoiled, I still understand the importance of helping those less fortunate, and by help I mean give money that was never actually earned by me to those who never tried hard enough to earn it themselves. I always give nice, name brand clothes to friends who I know can't afford to buy them and I always offer to pay for pedi's when I need the company of someone who's strapped for cash. You could say I buy my friends, but I just figure they will pay it forward or return the favor in their own way.

I just hope my mitzvah proves worthy of good karma when it comes to getting a job. It's already come back in the form of an email from Gilt saying that an item I had put myself on the wait list for is now available to me for purchase - but I will decline. I need to start being more responsible with the little spending cash I have. No more passing out dolla bills to strangers (strippers and the homeless alike) and no more purchases regardless of how great a bargain they may be. Maybe someday soon I will be able to say I could hack it completely on my own or in the wilderness, but I never actually want that to be a reality I have to face.

How Bazaar

2009-11-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

So already veering from the plan, last night the same friend and I went to Bazaar at SLS - a very trendy restaurant in LA. Breaking all rules of trying to be frugal with the money we don't have and focusing on getting the jobs that don't exist we hit a breaking point and went to the next extreme. This restaurant was so over the top...so LA. A menu reminiscent of the fab Philly eateries Amada and Tinto - full of spanish and modern tapas - and an atmosphere so ridiculous I actually thought it took away from the food. It made me realize that in LA having a great meal falls second to being seen at a cool place and that place is likely to be dubbed uncool just as quickly as it takes to sign the check.

Let me just explain how insane this whole scene was, or rather, how bazar. No two chairs or tables were alike, some were decked out in faux fur and others in luxurious velvet. It was a hodge podge of madness, they tried to create a museum type atmosphere with all the plates and glasses they use randomly placed in glass containers to appear as art...all for sale of course. They made us switch tables to a different area for desert and we had like 4 different waiters. The food was really, really good but the whole vibe made us forget...until the foie gras cotton candy came and that was beyond.

I woke up today feeling that same hungover feeling and have meetings all morning (not interviews, meetings) and have to make a flight directly after that I am sure I'll miss. The reason I brought up this dinner was that now I feel like I really need to focus on finding joy in the little things - like dinner parties thrown in my own kitchen with food I make myself and wine that is actually good but costs less than a fur coat. A glass of crappy tempernillo cost 16 bucks...how Bazaar.

When we left to get my car from the valet, a very creepy british/arab guy approached me to tell me how beautiful my friend was. He was a close talker and a creeper and I almost punched him in the stomach that was actually touching my arm - that's how close a talker he was. The whole thing was just utterly bazar, so I suppose the place fits its name.

I'm actually starting to resent myself for having been all these places and seen all these things because now all I do is point out the flaws in everything new I experience and compare - it's like I'm jaded by the world. From now on I will find joy and comfort in the little things - I promise on Monday I will try to change the oil in my car or fix something, I've really had enough.

Ports had great gilt stuff today but I'm thinking of going on gilt strike because I found out anyone can join now - it's not invite only.

To Cook

2009-11-05T08:22:00.001-08:00

So last night I spent a solid hour trying to scrub disgusting residue out of a pot. I love candy corn, and found a recipe online so I tried to make it with all sugar free and fat free ingredients - it did not work. Using stevia instead of sugar (which does sort of work), fat free powdered coffee mate instead of powdered milk (they ran out at the grocery store), and applesauce instead of butter the mixture remained the consistency of corn syrup - which was the only ingredient I couldn't find a replacement for. That being said it tasted like candy corn....just looked like shit and wouldn't harden.

I found myself at Ralphs, then Gelsons, then finally Rite-Aid at close to midnight on the hunt for just one measly bag of my beloved candy. I finally found a crappy bag of those mellowcreme pumpkins, which are sort of like candy corn but much denser and I woke up this morning with a serious sugar hangover. Apparently West Hollywood loves those little morsels of food coloring as much as I do - they are like crack for the gay man and fag hag.

It sent me on a search for make it yourself sugar free recipe's online and I found an awesome one for marshmallows around 2am but crashed from the pumpkin sugar buzz shortly there after. So even though the whole experience was a failure I did learn a few things: 1 teaspoon of stevia = a whole cup of sugar! So when you go to pour those sweet crystals into your coffee, think that just one tiny packet of calorie-free stevia can sweeten an entire 40-ouncer from 7-11! Also, applesauce can actually be used instead of butter when cooking! That is so awesome. You can use it in cookies and cakes and it tastes even gooier and sweeter. As someone who has been perpetually dieting since I was ten, this was like finding out about 5 calorie fro-yo!

One more quick thing about stevia - which is my new designer drug of choice - at whole foods they have stevia soda (cola, sprite, orange and root beer) and the stuff tastes like real soda without all the creepy chemicals in diet ones. It's actually like natural soda (east coasters are not familiar with Hansen's, which is the best soda ever) with no sugar or anything bad for you. Stevia is like a no chemical version of splenda or sweet-n-low but a thousand times sweeter and not chemical tasting. Imagine squeezing lemon and a packet of this into soda water and it magically tasting like sprite - that's this stuff and it's a dream.

I've always been one of those inventive people when it comes to the kitchen - I never follow a recipe exactly and have to add some sort of twist...perhaps that is because I do not know how to cook and when a recipe calls for any form of a complex method I respond with george forman and spray butter. Just throwing this out there - applesauce instead of butter in mashed potatoes could be soooooo good.

I don't know if this helped anyone, but it totally helped me - I'm going to start making ice cream with that 40 calorie almond milk (which is actually kind of good) and stevia - I'll keep you all posted because I may hit a jackpot here.

Now I must stake out Gilt - Catherine Malandrino and Cynthia Rowley are two of my fav's for awesome work -> bar dresses and I need my closet to be prepared for when I actually find a job out here.

Dish Washers

2009-11-03T17:44:00.000-08:00

I can use a dish washer. It's shocking - I know. I happen to know a lot of people who do not know how to use one/have never been faced with the situation. When growing up with parents and maids and then going to college with plastic cups and silverware (not to mention almost every meal taken care of by third parties) it's understandable.

My sophomore year of college I lived with seven girls - three did not know how to use a dishwasher. That's 43%. And that's not a rare situation - in fact I would go so far as to argue that 43% of the demographic I aim to reach hesitates when faced with a dish situation. That first semester our dish washer sudded out into the kitchen more than once - one of the girls used laundry detergent instead of dish detergent...but doing laundry is a whole other issue.

Something as simple as squeezing goo into a little slot and pressing start may seem like a no brainer, but if you've never seen a dishwasher before I could understand the intimidation factor and cause for hesitation. That's all you have to do by the way, squeeze the goo that comes in a bottle with pictures of sparkling wine glasses on it into the only slot on the door of the machine, close it, then the door, and press the normal button followed by start. You will never need to know what the other buttons mean if you have other buttons, I promise. If you have a knob, turn it to normal. For any other dish washing concern just wash it by hand...if you really have to question something going into a dish washer, you probably shouldn't put it in there.

A re-occurring problem I have seen happens during the emptying of the dish washer. If you happen to empty it too quickly after it finishes (a huge wave of hot steam will hit your face if you open it too soon) sometimes the bowls and glasses will stick together and can break if stacked while warm. Though one of us lazy brats jumping at the bit to open a dishwasher is funny thought, I've seen the blame game go for hours as to who's responsible for breaking very expensive Dansk flatware. The only thing we hate more than admitting ignorance when it comes to a popular appliance is accepting blame for anything (regardless of if we did it or not...it's a pride thing).

I used to just buy a lot of disposable dishes and silverware, but then the trash has to be taken out like twice as often. Taking out the trash is such a gross adventure - and it always feels like an adventure...but not a good one. Without someone to do that for me I prefer to use the rinse cycle on some mis-matched silver ware and call it a day. Luckily I have a roommate who seems to enjoy this mundane task, along with watering the plants...I would have killed them on purpose by now just so that I wouldn't have to water them. Maybe the key to everything is to find a maid as a roommate. Though unless I want to live with a large Mexican family (it's not racist, it's California) I better figure out how to enjoy doing these things.

Some bitch got to that cowl neck Vivienne Tam dress before I could on Gilt - too many people know about that website now.

The Realization

2009-11-03T08:26:00.000-08:00

Last night a friend from college and I were sitting at a snazzy LA eatery when we started chatting about how ridiculously we used to live. Five months out of our college bubble and there are no more swanky dinners out four or five nights a week, no more bottle service at clubs, no more hired help doing our laundry and take our dry cleaning, no more calls to daddy's secretary to re-fill the debit account and, most importantly, there is no more person to call when things need fixing...unless of course I am willing to pay for it. I realized that there are a lot of things I should know how to do, that people I consider stupid know how to do - and I don't.

I'm 22 years old and I don't know how to change a tire, jump start a car, fix a leak, fix a broken door hinge or knob or garbage disposal. I don't even know how to really cook. Sure, when in doubt we can google it out but I find that I need to consort with websites for almost everything. Movie times, restaurants, the nearest gas station, and with facebook and this blog it's like hours of my day spent sitting here. I hate how reliant I have become on the internet and how helpless I realized I would be without it - really.

Here's the kicker - I am unemployed. In these incredible economic times I have no source of income and my lovely Ivy League degree can't even keep me warm by firelight. My whole life I was told that all I needed was a great education and I would succeed. Well, after receiving that education I can honestly say that I am doing the opposite of succeeding. If the world as we know it ceased to exist tomorrow, 'we' would be the first to go. Outside the bureaucracy of government and corporations we don't know how to fend for ourselves. We are the rich kids, we are smart, and we are helpless.

My first class I ever took in college was philosophy 101 and the professor posed a simple question to us, "what is a good education?" My answer is that it is completely relative. For a kid living in the outback, an education would be how to skin a kangaroo and find water, not how to compare historical accounts of events or understand Ulysses. Sure I can analyze any book or film and write a paper about it, the other day I created a business plan of how to re-organize Hollywood - but I don't know how to build a fire....and I'm starting to realize that may be much more important.

For those of you who think I'm a spoiled brat and are shocked that I can't do these things - you're right, you should be, and by all means use this blog as a means to make fun of me and my peers who find themselves nodding along. I plan on addressing a different task or problem in each blog and how to take care of it without calling someone for help - think of this as Abbie Hoffman's "Steal This Book" for rich kid's survival. And yes, I did just compare myself to Abbie Hoffman (there are probably some people who don't know who that is...and so maybe you will learn a little something out of this too, google him).

As for now, Gilt Group just started for the day so I have to dash.