So, when booking this flight I made the necessary preparations and searched the website for the checking of the box that would entitle me to the lowest carb/cal meal option. It did not exist. I called the airline...no one knew the answer. I sort of forgot about it until already on the plane and she got to me, in seat 4F, and said they only have pork loin. I begged for the chicken and asked how I get this elusive kosher meal. She shrugged and said they don't 'do that anymore'. By that she means that US Airways no longer offers alternative meal options, along with its many other cutbacks e.g no more free food in the first class lounge (you have to pay 10 bucks a sandwich) and no more direct flights to Philadelphia from LA after 1:45pm. I fear that the quality of the products going into the food is also questionable. It's shocking to me that in a day and age where some airlines are offering private suites with separate beds and high thread count linens for long haul flights (Singapore Air and Emirates standards on the A-380) , these championing domestic fliers are border-lining on unsanitary.
A normal person grunts through these now standard atrocities in American travel, I however will not stand to be taken a fool of. Depending on the airline you fly, there are a lot of potential moves to make that can totally up the living standard of your travel. Here's what I do to make sure even when forced to fly coach I have a first/business class experience at half the price of a typical ticket.
First, create frequent flier accounts with every airline you could possibly fly with. Like all other industries, the airlines are basically a huge conglomeration of miles programs inter-weaved with credit cards and hotel companies. The reason I wind up on US Air, even though I want to personally attack every smiling steward when they tell me I have to pay for the 4 hour use of a pillow, is that I almost always get free upgrades to first class. From joining their program and using Bank of America, I have a card that lets me cut the typical lines and security checks. With American Air I get free rooms at Hilton Hotels and free rental cars at Hertz even though I'm under 25. With Amex and Cathay Pacific, Business class is buy one get one free - always - and that's cheaper than two coach seats. With amex you can even get into most first class lounges around the world, even if you are flying some shitty airline. I don't receive these perks because I am rich - I receive them because I am smart. Even when going to the movies at The Grove can I earn miles - it's just a matter of understanding the system.
The food thing is crazy though and I have now undertaken the task of figuring out how to get fed and watered without paying. The other habit I have is checking the actual plane type I am going to fly on - sometimes US Air flies those 757's from Vegas or Airzona to Philly because they are also going across to London. Getting a seat in row 12 on those babies is essential - if your not frequent enough a traveler for the first class bump, or it's just a super busy time and those bumps aren't happening, you can basically have that exit row and a foot rest for free. Those bigger planes also have bigger seats and they go back further. The only other advice I can think of now is if traveling abroad, get yourself on one of those A-380's; a middle seat in coach on those babies is nicer and more comfortable than any American domestic first class.
Since they no longer offer a movie on those flights, I usually bring a book but this was a very sweet occasion. I found Adbusters today for the first time in over 7 months. It was like my intellect was stimulated and my brain could finally exhale again - that magazine if fucking genius. As I sit on this plane, which defines all the economic issues for me with all its cutbacks and all the bureaucracies I read this: Departments of Economics are graduating a generation of idiot savants, brilliant at esoteric mathematics yet innocent of actual economic life. That's how I feel about my entire generation - we have been raised in such splendor that living in squalor is something reserved for force-fed Dickens' novels - not only do we not understand it, we are incapable of our own independent survival, hell half of the words I've written have been spell check changed for me - I haven't properly spelled the word 'necessary' since I botched the spelling bee in the 5th grade.
Instead of being lazy and just going along with the struggle everyone else seems to be accepting, I am going to try and do something about it. After I draft my letter to US Air (which is guaranteed to get you at least a few free flying vouchers) and apply for all the new jobs posted, I am going to find out how to share a link with Adbusters on this blog. Every person in the world who understands what the word savant means should be able to read this magazine and get something profound out of the experience.
Today I am going to be anti-consumer and not check Gilt.
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